I haven’t written a blog in over a year. I remember when I started this page, I wanted to reach people in a raw and authentic way. I would not say it was that I did not take it seriously, more just that at the time, I was trying to do so much all at once. I thought I needed to do it all and that I wanted to do it all. Go to school, be an athlete, work 20 hours a week, and keep a 4.0. And I did do it all. But the years of going and going, trying to do it all and be where I think I need to be has left me exhausted. I have come to realize that not only do I not have to do it all; I do not want to do it all. And while I stopped writing because I felt that this blog wasn’t reaching people, I have come to realize that anything worth having is going to take time and if I commit to it, I will get the results I want. I know what you are all about to say, “Marissa, you have always been a go go go do it all person.” And I am not saying that is not still who I am. What I am saying is that I have learned that I need to have boundaries and also listen to myself. Let me explain..
I have spent the past two years working as a personal trainer, cross country coach, and behavioral health technician. I also started working on getting my masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Waking up at 4 am to get my workout in and train clients before heading to work in a very high stress environment, go to practice, and come home to do homework. We will thank the 400 mg of caffeine I was consuming a day for all this energy because it definitely was not natural. In May of this year, I had finally had enough. So I quit my full-time job and took the summer a bit slower, granted I was still training clients at 5 am, but it was a start, and it was not easy. I remember how stressed I was about not working. I still get stressed when I have days off. It is something I am working on. Understanding that the “grind” and “hustle” culture we live in has our priorities all wrong. Come August, I started at a different location as a RBT. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I love the kids I work with, no matter how hard some days may be. But I am tired. I don’t want to have to wake up at 5 am every morning just to rush to get ready for work without having time to connect with myself first and while I know that this is just for now and will be different once I finish my masters, there are still some things I can do to help myself.
Like this blog for instance. It is part of my dream career. It is going to evolve and change as my career advances but if I never start and stick to it, I’ll never know what it could have been. And this is hard in a world of instant gratification. It can be challenging and discouraging to put in the work and not see progress, but it is just like becoming great at anything, it takes time and usually longer than you think it will. So I am using my time, when not working, to work on the things that I actual want to build off of for the future.
It still makes me anxious to think about not working as much as I could. And when I say working I mean a job where I am getting something in return instantly, like a paycheck for example. I have always been the type that feels like I need to be doing that kind of work every single day. I have always based my worth off my productiveness. So to have days off, working on more of my creative and future goals is scary. But also exciting! Along with bringing the blog back, I am going to be working on some other projects that I have put on the back burner. If you noticed, I changed the blog’s name from Beautifully Flawed to Mindfully Marissa. I feel that this encompasses more of what I want this blog and my career to represent and will be carried out throughout my content.
I am not big on New Year’s resolutions. I feel like people make them with all these terms and wrong intentions and then never stick to them. However, I want 2023 to be the year that I actually start choosing myself. Working on the things that I want and matter to me. Taking the steps to create the career that I want. And having time to take care of myself and the people in my life.
So if you are anything like me, it may take you getting out of your own head and going against what you think you should be doing in order to find a true sense of purpose and peace. You do not have to be going all the time. Your body can only do it for so long before it makes you slow down. Say no to the things that don’t set you on fire and yes to the things that make you feel alive.
If you are new here, Hi, and I am thankful you have stopped by. For my past readers, welcome back. I can’t wait to start sharing with you all again.
❤ Marissa
Mindfully Marissa 